friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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