dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
