He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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