Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
