Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
