Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
