Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
