Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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