Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
