Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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