apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
