Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
