U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
