i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
