what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
They have beer where we have blood.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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