Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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