Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
