You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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