My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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