I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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