dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
