You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
