I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
