is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I could fuck to npr.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
