I CAN MOONWALK!
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
