The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
