it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
