the new term for farting is butt boxing.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
