Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
