Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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