Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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