if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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