One girl and one boy is just not enough.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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