Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
