the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
