I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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