So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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