Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
this is an emotional support booty call
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
