I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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