i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
