After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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