Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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