Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
