Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
