btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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