The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
