I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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