we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
