Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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