I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
